pavorst:

This is the note you will find crumpled on the floor of a subway, written in broken ink on a piece of paper. This is the last piece of truth you will read. It will be in a different language. The language of the dead.

*

“It has always fascinated me that people go on living to the ripe ages of fifty, sixty, in cities with dangerous glass and steel towering all over their heads. It is incredible that people hurl themselves in opposing directions at ridiculous speeds but yet manage to walk into their homes alive. And what is it that keeps brick walls from collapsing, from the walls of our hearts to decide when they should stop moving? I am not sure that I can stay pulled by gravity for too long. My feet are never still. They dance and trip through the wet earth as I find myself moving into lonely spaces. Perhaps there are simple rules for staying alive, rules that no one has yet to tell me. I do not know what to leave you. I have learned so little about people. About animals, only that I should not eat them. They are my friends. I do not eat my friends. I have learned that what I keep and hold each day is just as important as what I choose to run away from. Countless roommates have been interspersed through my life like broken glass. Each one held his own place tattooed in the far reaches of my memory. But here we are, strangers on a train. I will soon be in hospital, I hope, with an IV drip and the fading memory of scavenger hunts and visits to the museum. You do not understand me at all, do you? It is like you have found my note by accident. But I have watched you for weeks now. We take the same line. 8:16, you come inside and sit down with your Sudoku book. I like the way you hold your pencil. You do not endanger it within the grip of your jaw. You caress it, as though there are secrets in the fibers of the wood. The train moves downtown and when you hear the soft call of the lady in the PA, you take confident footsteps into the pouring rain and the kissing sun. I am sure that your life will continue. You will look out of many windows, fall in love with people somewhere dark and nude. But if there is anything you can do for me, it is this. You have read my last words. And I wish you the best with life, stranger to stranger.”